Thursday, August 14, 2008

This feeling inside...

Hey Hey! The Beijing Olympics are FINALLY here! Although I'm really regretting now, not able to catch the opening ceremony of it... For some reasons... *cough* ling wei *cough* =P nah... So, 8.8.2008 was also Ling Wei's sweet 16! Maxine ane me bought a book for her from the school's book fair, Chicken Soup for the Writer's Soul, cuase I know how much she loved writing and her dream was to become a writer... When I first laid eyes on the book, I know it was meant for Ling Wei... Lol! But I'm not sure if she will read it or not as there was sooooo many books piled up for her to even start reading it...

It's been almost a week since Chiho, Megumi and Naoyo came to Malaysia. All of them were really nice~ But now, all 3 of them and their hosts, which are Triple Lee, Ah Chua n Ah Boon's now on a camp in Bkt Tinggi...

Megumi n Chiho went to our school on Tuesday and it caused a HAVOC! Even when I reached my class, their was already a huge crowd inside and on the corridor of my class! Every one was 'accidently' passing by my class peeping through the door or the window even when class was in session. Until my teacher asked those sitting by the windows and doors to lock it up! Lol...

So during English lessons, Megumi taught us a Children's Song which I know is well known nation wide, Grandfather's Clock, in Japanese, of course. Btw, Cheau Wei, of course, gone crazy and I'm sure she was too excited to go to sleep the night before!

The 10 boys in my class were also really excited, especially Kar Wei who longed for their visit even before they set foot in Malaysia! EVERYONE wanted to take pictures with them... I'm sure they felt like a superstar for one day and even Ah Boon and Lee, everybody wanted to be their friend for that one day... No offense, but I think it's quite fake if you know what I mean...

But there's one feeling inside... A queasy and uneasy feeling... Even though I happy that they're finally here, but there's an indescribable feeling.

I'm not sure if it's jealousy, disappointment, anger, happiness or even the relief...

I'm happy because of their arrival, I'm jealous because I don't have a Japanese friend to be my guest for 3 weeks. I'm dissapointed and angry quite at the same time because they didn't even mention to me that they were going to sign up for the home stay programme and I'm relieved that I didn't host one because I am sooooo busy preparing for my piano exams at the moment...

But I've always felt that I'm the only one left out among the 3 of them. I was always the last one to know what was going on now, I was always the one who doesn't fit in, I always feel that doing something with them sometimes is a mistake and should back out of what they are doing and maybe sometimes feel that I'm not enjoying myself with them. I sometimes feel that I was the one who goes bulging in when I'm not supposed to. I sometimes feel that I shouldn't be with them or this wasn't the place I should be in. It seems like every move I make seems to be a mistake...

I'm not complaining now because one of the reasons may be because I live too far away from them or none my hobbies or interest matches with them. But this was the way I felt and it was really hard keeping it inside... But I'm glad that they are my friends and want to keep it the way it is, even though... Sometimes, I feel that it's hard to keep up with what they are doing...

No comments: