Thursday, July 28, 2011

1 year down, 2 more to go.

In less than 48 hours, I will be back where I had been spending most of my time last year, Singapore. And in a few more days, I will be a First year student studying at LASALLE College of the Arts, although I'd like to call myself a Sophomore because it will be my second year there this academic year.

Time flies. It had already been almost a year since I've moved to Singapore.

After living there, alone, for a year, I've come to realize a lot of things that I don't seem to comprehend and appreciate for the last 18 years of my life.

First, obviously, I had miss my home. I had missed the feeling of being at home, feeling protected and secure, have food served on the table during mealtimes, running around the house with my 3 dogs, cuddling and fooling around with my dogs, the talk of how my day went between my family members during mealtimes, help my mum preparing meals, the freedom to play the guitar or the piano at any time of the day without bothering others, the freedom to even play the piano at the comfort of my own home, air conditioning, hot water baths, the freedom to read my books that I didn't bring over whenever I need to, evening walks with my family, going to the swimming pool with my family, missing out on special moments and occasions in my family, the freedom to drive wherever I want to, the freedom to sing out loud in the car... ... and the list goes on and on in my head. But most of all, I will miss the feeling of being HOME.

Teddy, my dog, will be giving birth to puppies soon, but since I will be leaving for Singapore this Saturday, I'm sure to miss this special occasion of witnessing the 3rd generation of puppies grow up like how I watched Teddy grow. Thinking of this alone makes my heart ache as I want to be here to watch the puppies open their eyes for the first time so, so much! Like how when Whisky, the Husky, first came home, I was so desperate to see him for the first time when I get to fly home, 2 months after he came. And when my previous Shihtzu ran away from home and I was thinking that I would have been able to stop him from running away if I were home and also hoped to witness the day my dad brought J. J. home.

I will miss the drawer full of kitchen utensils that I have in my kitchen and I will miss the whole cabinet of cups, plates and bowls. Because all I get to use when I'm in Singapore, is 1 bowl, 1 spoon, 1 fork, 1 cup and 1 pair of chopsticks. Only one set. One is a lonely number, and I thought I was those people who like to be alone rather than be in a big crowd. I will have to eat alone, walk home alone, take the bus alone and have no one to talk to about how my day went at the end of the day. I could always call them, I know. But nothing beats talking about my day face-to-face and having to see the reactions on their faces.

I will have to go through this for the next few years of my life and longing to have a date to look forward to when I get to come home. I doubt that I will ever get used to this feeling of emptiness every single time I reach my home in Singapore. As I open the door to the dark, empty room that I had eagerly left a month ago, the feeling of homesickness will start to overflow and spill after holding it in since the second I step out of my home in Malaysia, wondering when will I get to come home the next time. What will change during my time away from home? What will happen during my absence? What new dishes did my mum learn to cook while I was away? What evil plans did my little brother managed to carry out that will make my parents frown? What did trouble did my dogs get into?

I may only get to hear all of those stories through the phone calls back home, but I will have to wait a little longer to get to see the expressions of my family and laugh when they talk about it again.

Sometimes, I regret coming out all the way from home to study in Singapore and miss out on all of that. Technically speaking, it isn't far from home at all, but still, it's 6 hours worth of car ride away.

So here I am, trying to live in the moment, the now, that I know I will miss and I am trying to soak up all the remaining time I have that, hopefully, will be enough to last me 5 months, the minimum, before I get to come home again. I'm not even in Singapore now yet, but I'm already feeling homesick.

One year down, two, or more years to go.

On the bright side of things, I've enjoyed my time in school last year, and this year might be a whole new adventure and who knows what the future might bring. :)

Here's to a whole new life to look forward to.